The Stage Theory of Grief
In 1969, a psychiatrist by the name of Elizabeth Kübler-Ross published her book On Death and Dying. At the time of publication, her book was an innovative work. Kübler-Ross developed the five stages of grief, more formally known as the Kübler-Ross model. Originally the model was developed from, and for, terminally ill patients that she saw in her medical practice.
The five stages of grief are now widely recognized as a way of understanding how we deal with any loss. Kübler-Ross's stages of grief are not a set of rules. Not everyone goes through each stage of grief and they may be experienced in any order. People may return to certain stages many times during the grieving process.
Denial
The stage of denial is often the first stage of grief. It is a refusal to accept the fact of the loss and is often coupled with shock. Someone in this stage of grief may say things like 'This can't be happening,' or 'I don't believe it.'
Anger
Anger during grieving is very common. Anger can be directed towards friends, family, doctors, God, or the world in general. Someone who is grieving can also be angry at themselves, or find someone or something to blame for the loss. During the anger stage people often ask 'Why did this happen?' or 'How could this have occurred?'
Bargaining
Loss is hard to face, and when grieving it is not uncommon to try to bargain with a higher power to try to regain what was lost. It is common for people in this stage to say things like 'If only…' and trying to offer solutions to reverse the loss. 'Please let Angela be okay! I promise I'll never drink again!'
Depression
Depression is a normal stage of grief and experiencing depression after a major loss is appropriate. This stage happens when the griever begins to understand that the loss is real. This return to reality brings deep sadness and often withdrawal from life.
Acceptance
The stage of acceptance is often confused with 'being okay' with what has happened. This is not necessarily the case; people who have lost a loved one may never be okay with their absence. However, they will come to a stage of acceptance of what has happened and continue with their lives in a new way.
Causes of Grief
Just like the experience of grief itself, the causes of grief can vary widely. Grief can be caused by any significant loss in life. The loss of anyone or anything that is very important in someone's life can cause grief. Here are but a few of the more common reasons for grief:
- Miscarriage or death of a child
- Death of a spouse, parent or sibling
- Loss of personal health
- Serious illness of a loved one
- Divorce or relationship breakup
- Losing a job or loss of financial stability
- Retirement
- Death of a pet
- Loss of a life goal or dream
- Loss of a friend or friendship
- Loss of safety after a trauma
- Selling the family home
- Children leaving home
- Legal troubles or incarceration
Treatments for Grief
Most of the time people are able to deal with their grief naturally over time. Depending on the loss and its significance to the individual, the process of grieving can take weeks, months or years. When grief continues long-term and interferes with a person's ability to function in his or her life, it may be necessary to seek help. Sometimes grief can develop into Major Depressive Disorder, which can require treatment by a doctor or therapist. People who have existing medical or mental health conditions are particularly at risk. Also, people who have few support systems in place may also have difficulty getting through grief on their own.
There are many options for receiving help with grieving. When grief is severe or persistent, a doctor may prescribe antidepressants. However, the most common type of treatment for extended grief is talk therapy. Therapists can help lead through the grief process and can provide information on grief support groups.
As we have learned more about how other cultures deal with grief, it has become clear that there are not only personal differences in the ways we deal with grief, but cultural ones as well. Ultimately, grief is a personal experience which is difficult to qualify or quantify. There is no correct or incorrect way to grieve.
Learning Outcomes
After you've studied the lesson section by section, you might have memorized enough information to:
- Define grief
- Recognize the studies of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and her work On Death and Dying
- Itemize Kubler-Ross's five stages of grief
- Stipulate the various causes of grief
- Contrast the major treatments for grief
